My question becomes, 'How do I make it all real, more real?"Īnd there is nothing I know of that is more life-affirming, more real than sex. So why try? Instead I am content to simply act on my fantasies, my desires and my passions. I suspect I will never truly understand why I do what I do. It would not surprise many of you to learn that forty five years after my first crossdressing experience, I am still struggling with my fears, my uncertainity, my confusion. And whatever others may think, I cannot not allow their judgments to dictate my choices, to deny me my pleasures. Giving myself to a man also feels 'right' for me. So despite all my worse fears, my uncertainity and my confusion, I continue to crossdress. But at the same time, it felt incredibly 'right' for me. When I started crossdresssing, it felt wrong. And not unlike a large percentage of those women, nothing would please me more than to be approached by these men, for them to act on their desires, for me to find myself saying 'Yes' to them. I want men to look at me and find me physically attractive and sexually desirable. What I do know is that I am not unlike millions of women who venture out into the real world every day. So why is this important to me? I want to be all the woman I can be and nothing that I know of is more likely to do so than to give myself to a man.ĭoes it define me as less because I need a man to validate that I am a woman? Maybe, who knows, who cares? I don't. However, ultimately, the reason I always strive to look my best, why I want to prefect all skills that impact how I look, is that looking my best is more likely to attract men, more likely to get me laid. I love the feel, the look, the smell of being feminine. When a man sees me fully dressed, I want him to know that I am sexually accessible. I choose to crossdress to present myself as sexually available to men. Why do I crossdress? As an adult, I crossdress because I want to crossdress. Thirdly, what does it say about my gender identity and/or sexual orientation? Don't know, don't care, Secondly, this is about me, not you, not us. First of all, I know I may have it all wrong.
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